I am not a slut, nor am I a broccoli

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Why I’m over the whole slutshame.

 

Screw social construct. If I want to have sex, I’m having bloody sex. Just because I’m not in a relationship does not mean I’m no longer included in the sex game. According to The Office for National Statistics 51% of people in the UK are single. And I can guarantee they are having sex. They are doing the deed. So why is there still a slutshaming stigma when its obvious people who are not in relationships are sleeping with people. Does that mean we should be slutshaming 51% of the UK’s population? No. So why is slutshaming still a thing?

 

I am not in a relationship so I am not allowed to have sex. Hell no. Don’t you dare take sex away from me. This stigma behind sleeping with a large amount of people as a woman still hasn’t disappeared. While some men brag about their numbers almost like they are trophies. Women actually get shy and feel embarrassed divulging the number of people they have slept with as though it’s a heavy weight on their shoulders. I have been that woman multiple times, I’m not gonna lie. When I’m getting on really well with a guy and they ask my number I panic and slash the number down to make myself look better. This way I look more ‘wife material’.

 

But why do I do that? Why should I? The stigma behind women’s numbers is silly. How is sleeping with let’s say 100 different people once, any different to sleeping with one man your whole life over 100 times? I’ve heard things before in the style of:“no one likes damaged goods”. Well what makes me different to someone who had sex with their ex-partner/husband/wife three times a day for ten years? Are women just supposed to sit here in our perfect untouched state? In a bubble of flowers and self-made apple pies? Are we just supposed to wait for the ‘perfect’ man? Well, once he gets us in the sack guess what: he’ll probably be unfulfilled since we haven’t had sex since our last relationship and that was when vanilla sex was still cool.

 

And let me just state clearly: women don’t become ‘sex gods’ without a bit of practice. It takes A LOT of practice. I can confirm when I first started this sex malarkey, I was completely and utterly useless. Starfish might come to mind. But as I grew up and started to learn my body and how others bodies worked I realised sex could actually become fun and feel really good.

 

Having casual sex does not make me or anyone else a bad person. My first one-night stand was when I was 18 and I had just broken up with my boyfriend. I really missed having sex. (As we all do at some point in our lives) I realised  soon that sex and romance could be two separate things. So I went out dressed up nice and found this really cute boy at a bar and went home with him. I woke up in the morning not feeling used or degraded. I felt good. I just had really good sex, why shouldn’t I feel good? I slipped out of bed, stole his jumper for the inevitable walk of shame, and left a note with my number on his kitchen counter. The only time I heard from him again was when he text me asking if he could have his jumper back. Which was fine. I got my mother to post his sweater to him and I never saw him again. Thanks mum.

 

All I’m saying is people should be allowed to have sex with whoever they want as long as consent is given. Women should not be judged because of it. I know sex with someone you don’t care about is different from sex with someone you love, but you cannot put them on the same scale. That’s like saying you have to love fries. Well there is also mashed potato and that’s pretty good too, right? Sex with someone you love is amazing in a way that it makes you feel connected to your partner. But have you ever had sex with someone you hate or find unattractive? It’s pretty good too. Although I mostly still meet up with men I do find attractive and fun, just not in a ‘we have a future’ kind of way.

 

I have been called a slut in the past but this does not affect me. That is someone else’s opinion and I cannot help how they think. Slutshaming is so boring. And If loads of people start calling you a broccoli and are all adamant that you are one, does that mean you really are in fact Brocolli? Nope. Remember that. No woman is a broccoli. They are just sexual beings.

 

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